my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
