wat bout pragnant strippers??
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
