Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
