I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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