The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
