i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
