Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
