so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
