Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
