shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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