I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
