I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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