I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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