conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
