If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
