plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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