You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
