I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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