I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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