i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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