Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
