I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
