She is in my trunk
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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