Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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