i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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