i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
