my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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