just come out here and I will go home with you...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
