Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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