can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
