i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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