u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
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Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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