NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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