Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
