I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
