Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
