I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
