I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
