I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
