You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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