Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
