I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
