my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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