I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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