ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize