Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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