I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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