the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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