As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
