Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
