Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
