she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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