Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
