i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
