are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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