I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
