I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
