i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
