I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
