So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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