Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
