so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
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No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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