i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
