when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
