Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We're too hungover to prance.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
