We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
