I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
