We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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