Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
