Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
