Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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