I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
