i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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