And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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