your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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