I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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