I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize