And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
