Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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