You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
