I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
