I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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