If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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