something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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