the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize