you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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