Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
