It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He passed out mid-signature
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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